You don’t teach someone to appreciate you by giving more, chasing harder, or waiting it out—you teach them by how you respond when you’re treated as less.
Here’s a clear, steady plan.
Tell yourself the truth
Ask yourself:
• Do I feel taken for granted?
• Do I leave interactions feeling drained?
• Is he consistently showing up, or doing just enough to keep things going?
Drop the excuses. Name what’s really happening.
Say it plainly—once
State how you feel, what you need, and what you’ll do if nothing changes.
Example:
“I feel unappreciated when you [specific behavior].
I need [specific change].
If that doesn’t happen, I’ll have to rethink this relationship.”
No pleading. No debates. Say it once—then watch his actions, not his explanations.
Stop over-functioning
If you’re always the one who initiates, smooths over conflict, or gives more than you receive—stop. Let the imbalance become visible. Let him notice the absence of your extra effort. That alone can be a wake-up call.
Set real boundaries—and enforce them
If he minimizes your needs or keeps crossing lines, there must be consequences:
• Exit circular, blaming conversations.
• Pause intimacy or favors until respect returns.
• End the relationship if nothing changes after your boundary is clear.
You cannot “love” someone into valuing you—but you can remove yourself when they don’t.
Separate his behavior from your worth
His inability (or unwillingness) to appreciate you is not proof that you’re lacking. It’s proof he can’t or won’t show up the way you deserve. Some people are unavailable or self-involved; that’s their work, not yours.
Be willing to walk—and mean it
If appreciation doesn’t arrive in your presence, it may only appear in your absence. And if it still doesn’t, you still win—you’re no longer stuck in a lopsided relationship. If he wants another chance, it’s on him to show change through consistent behavior, not promises.
Ask the deciding question
“If nothing changed from today on, would I stay?”
If the answer is no, you already have your answer.
Bonus: Signs he doesn’t appreciate you
• Only pays attention when you pull back.
• Dismisses your feelings as “too much.”
• Rarely apologizes or takes ownership.
• Makes you feel like you do everything—and somehow it’s still not enough.
• Cares more about being right than being kind.
Bottom line:
You’re not asking for too much—you’re asking the wrong person.
Release the belief that appreciation must be fought for. With the right partner, you won’t have to keep reminding them who you are.