When I was a little girl, my mom taught me a smart trick — having a secret “code word” to use if I ever found myself in trouble and couldn’t speak openly. It was our quiet way of asking for help.
Years later, as a mom myself, I passed that same lesson to my daughter, Lily. I thought she might use it to avoid awkward sleepovers or tricky social moments. I never imagined she’d need it for something serious — especially not so soon.
Yesterday began like any normal day. I was at home, finishing my coffee, when my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, Mark. Even though we tried to keep things civil for Lily, our relationship had been tense since the divorce.
“Hey, Jenna,” he said, sounding uncertain. “Lily’s been wanting to talk to you all day.”
That surprised me. Lily rarely called during her weekends with him — she usually enjoyed them. A wave of worry hit me. “Okay,” I said, hiding my concern. “Put her on.”
“Hi, Mom!” Lily’s voice was bright, but something felt off — too practiced, too forced.
“Hey, sweetheart! How’s your weekend? Having fun?”
“Yeah! We went to the park yesterday, and I drew a picture this morning. It’s a dog, a tree, and… I really wish I had a blueberry marker so I could make blueberries.”
Time froze. That was our code word.
“Blueberries” meant, “I’m in trouble. Please come get me now.” My face went pale, but I stayed calm.
“That sounds lovely, sweetie. I’ll come get you soon, okay? Let’s get ready for tomorrow.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Anything else you want to tell me?”
“No, that’s it,” she sighed softly.
“Alright, love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
I hung up, heart racing, and grabbed my keys.
When I got to Mark’s place, I knocked — and a stranger opened the door. A woman I didn’t know stood there with a stiff smile.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“I’m here for Lily,” I said firmly. “Is Mark home?”
“He just stepped out,” she replied coldly. “I’m Vanessa — Mark’s girlfriend.”
I was stunned. Mark hadn’t mentioned anyone living with him. Still, I stayed composed.
“Well, Vanessa, I just remembered Lily has a doctor’s appointment early tomorrow. I forgot to tell Mark. I need to take her home.”
She crossed her arms but moved aside. “She’s inside.”
Inside, Lily was curled on the couch with her coloring book. When she saw me, relief washed over her face.
“Ready to go, honey?” I asked softly.
She stood up silently, clutching her book like a lifeline. Vanessa watched but said nothing as we left.
In the car, I looked at Lily. “Are you okay, baby?”
She nodded, then tears began to fall.
“Vanessa is mean,” she whispered. “She says I’m annoying when Daddy’s not around. She tells me not to talk. She says I should stay in my room.”
My hands tightened on the wheel. Anger rose, but I breathed deeply.
“She said Daddy won’t believe me,” Lily said. “That I should be quiet or I’d get in trouble.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” I said, pulling over and holding her hand. “You did the right thing. I’m so proud of you. And you won’t have to see her again if you don’t want to. I promise.”
That night, after tucking Lily in with her stuffed elephant, I called Mark.
He answered quickly. “Hey, Jenna. What happened? Vanessa said you took Lily?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “And I would do it again. Lily used our code word.”
Silence.
“Code word?”
“The one I taught her for when she feels unsafe. She said ‘blueberries’ because Vanessa’s been emotionally hurting her when you’re not there.”
“That can’t be true.”
“It is,” I said. “She was crying in the car, telling me how Vanessa belittles her and isolates her. She’s scared.”
He was quiet, then said, “I didn’t know. I’ll talk to her. I promise I’ll handle it.”
“This isn’t about us,” I reminded him. “It’s about Lily.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll fix this.”
After we hung up, I sat quietly, heart heavy but grateful.
Grateful Lily had a way to signal me. Grateful I had taught her that word.
Right then, I decided she needed a phone. I’d worried about screens before, but now I knew having a direct lifeline could save her.
If you’re a parent or care for a child, I highly recommend having a code word.
Here’s what to keep in mind:
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Choose a unique word. Avoid common words like “school” or “cake” that might come up in everyday talk. You want to avoid false alarms.
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Make it easy to remember. Funny or unusual phrases like “purple giraffe” or “jelly moon” work well, especially when kids are stressed.
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Practice with your child. Role-play different situations so they know when and how to use the word — whether they feel scared, uncomfortable, or in danger.
It’s a small thing — but it could mean the difference between silence and safety.
That single word — blueberries — gave my daughter a voice when she needed it most.
And for that, I’ll always be thankful.